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dibanding capek sendirian terus di rumah, gue jauh lebih capek liat orang ribut. Sudahlah, mungkin hidup seatap lagi sama orangtua nggak akan seburuk itu rasanya

desktop background

I had a habit. I set your photograph album as my desktop background, it's changing every 10 minutes. So when I awake and checking my laptop, I see you in a different pose... :)

end of year travel

Jadi, setelah berbulan-bulan ngambek nggak bales sms dan nggak ngangkat telepon. Akhirnya mak suri pun ngirim sms : kalo mau ikut ke spore, urus paspor sekarang juga. Hati riang bukan main, sembari itung-itungan tabungan yang lagi diirit-irit. It's my first pasport! cap imigrasi! *sumringan* :D

Setelah sana-sini nanya info ke temen yang bolak-balik ke sono, I'm set to go. Spore it is!

Begitu sampe di changi : gue bengong. Tapi nggak sampe nganga gitu sih, dalem hati aja ngebatin. Gimana bisa negara sekecil ini bisa punya airport sebagus ini? Malah ada temen yang rela dateng 3 jam sebelum boarding karena mau keliling airport yang dalemnya udah kayak mall itu *sigh*

My mom picked an inn at kampong arab. Katanya biar gampang cari makanan halal. Di daerah penginepan gue ini (tapi kayaknya rata-rata bangunan standar di spore emang begitu) bangunanannya kebanyakan model lama gitu, berjejer, dengan plang sana-sini, dan bersih banget. Nggak ada sampah, jalanan teratur! Wajar aja sih, buang sampah sembarangan aja dendanya $ 500. Jam 8 malem di jakarta, jalanan masih macet amburadul. Di sini, senggang kayak jalanan jakarta pas subuh!

Kegiatan kami selama 6 hari di sana : 1st day = ke hotel,ke mustafa centre (niatnya test drive MRT, succed!), 2nd day = universal studio, SEA aquarium, maritime museum, 3rd day : art science museum, marina bay, 4th day : legoland, johor bahru (this place sucks!), 5th day : mustafa centre extended, orchard road, 6th day = going home

Biaya makan di spore rata-rata $ 2,5 s/d $ 8, kalo makan di hawker yang ada di mall mungkin bisa sampe $ 12. DI kampong glam cafe malah ngasih porsi paru udah kayak nyerok nasi, dapet 8 potong tiap porsi. Itu sepiring gue habis $ 2,4. Malah lebih murah di sini dari pada makan nasi pake lauk paru di jakarta, sepotong aja berapa ribu, jek! Banyak jajanan yang pengen banget gue coba di sini. Old chuangki di deket MRT station lavender yang jual macem-macem gorengan, Mr.bean yang jual minuman berbahan dasar kedelai, dan tentunya hainanese chicke rice lah ya... :D

Banyak yang bilang sistem MRTnya agak membingungkan. Well, iya sih. Kalo pertama kali liat petanya, pasti bakalan bingung liat interchangenya. Tapi setelah beberapa kali pergi pake MRT, lama-lama handal juga baca peta. Dikarenakan gue ini jakartan minded, tiap ngeliat bangku kosong di mrt selalu pengen duduk, padahal 3-5 menit juga sampe tujuan. Plus, lupa kalo singapura nggak luas-luas amat. Jarak di peta gue samain kayak jarak peta di jakarta. Mikirnya dari stasiun mrt lavender lebih deket dari hotel, ternyata stasiun nicoll highway jauuuuh lebih deket. Capek-capek ganti kereta ke dhoby ghaut buat ke esplanade (tujuan ke art science museum), padahal kalo dr nicoll highway tinggal sekali naik turun di promanade, museumnya ada di sebelah mall marina shopper. Tapi gue turun di esplanade, dan jalan keliling mall sampe ketemu marina bay. Dan waktu kami ke sentosa, antrian di monorail stationnya sangat panjang. Dan antrian balik menuju vivo city juga panjang banget. Sebenernya ada 2 pilihan transportasi buat ke sentosa : by monorail and by bus. Karena udah nggak keburu nanya info detail tentang bus, akhirnya gue pilihlah monorail. Bok, kaki gue udah cenut-cenut dari hari pertama banyak jalan. Mungkin karena inilah tarif massage di singapur bisa sampe $ 45.. :))

Nggak bisa sering-sering misah dari rombongan selama di sini, dipegangin duit makan + transport pula. Jadi tour leader dadakan, padahal ke sini juga baru sekali -__-"
alhasil, nggak bisa ke museum nasionalnya, di maritime museum juga cuma sebentar buanget. Di orchard nggak sempet cari toko buku gede, nggak sempet ke takashimaya. Nggak sempet ke thieve market, nggak sempet ke bugis street, nggak sempet ke IKEA! a lot of nggak sempet. Taun depan harus balik pokoknya! nggak mau tau! di sela-sela tabungan buat beli handphone dan bayar wisuda, harus terselip biaya liburan juga. Biaya makan bisa dipress, toh bisa melipir makan ke rumah eyang, muehehehehee.. *cucu licik*

above : marina bay. The city is quite beautifull, isnt it? :D
Di sini mau dipake buat duduk-duduk juga enak banget. Suasananya nyaman. Kalo bosen, tinggal jalan aja ke art science museum, atau ke garden at the bay.

writing a wish on a ballon. the ballons will be floated at marina bay

singapore flyer at 8 am. Di sini ternyata jam 7 masih gelap, dan jam 7 malem masih sore banget. Kebalik. Agak-agak norak gue kemaren :))

theatre at the bay, marina bay...
This is the theatre at the bay. Gue belom pernah liat shownya. Tapi sepertinya menarik sekali bukan nonton pertunjukan di pinggir bay begitu? I have to try this one someday ;)

let's eat the famous hainanese chicken riiice!

nanti aja ya

I'd like to write some, silence buddy. Mau ketik-ketik sikit. Tapi jam segini tumben gue udah ngantuk :|
jadi, pending besok lah ya! wait for me! dan jangan berani-beraninya lo nge-hang ya :))

morning duty

Agak susah ngejelasin ke orang-orang kalo ditanya pekerjaan gue ini apa. Dijawab "chaperone" pasti berbuntut dengan satu sesi penjelasan yang lamanya sekitar 5 menit. Dibilang 'kenek antar jemput biar singkat, mereka malah bingung :))

Jadi, praktisnya gue ini emang kenek antar jemput murid-murid sekolahan British. Taking care the student while taking their home or going to school. In charge on what everyting may happen during the journey. Yang ngurusin anak TK kalo ada yang muntah, yang nengahin kalo ada yang berantem, yang nenangin mereka kalo di jalan ada apa-apa. It seems easy at first. Tapi prakteknya, rada ribet juga mesti ngomel-ngomel dan ngebujukin anak TK pake bahasa inggris versi simpel tapi bener supaya mereka ngerti apa yang kami maksudkan. Selebihnya, menyenangkan. Karena anak-anak kecil di mana pun juga pasti lucu kan tingkahnya? :D

Rute pagi gue ada di 4T. Rute 4 ini mencakup semua rute di area kemang. Ada 4A sampe 4S kalo nggak salah. Rute 4 ini paling banyak, karena murid-murid mayoritas tinggal di kemang. So, wajar dalam itungan minggu gue hapal jalanan kemang sampe antasari. Lha wong tiap hari lewat situ :))

Di bus pagi gue ada 6 anak. 2 Jolly bersaudara, cewek semua. 3 Cornwallis bersaudara, sulung doang yang cewek. Dan satu anak TK, si Konstantina yang tenar itu loh :))

No special matter soal Jolly bersaudara. Mereka duduk di depan bareng sulung Cornwallis. Tina duduk di tengah, di antara gue sama Thomas. Mereka berdua ini such a couple of the bus. Thomas seneng banget usil ke Tina dan itu anak Tk suka ngambek kalo Thomas mulai nyanyi gangnam style. Tapi kalo Thomas diem, Tina yang bolak-balik ngerusuhin Thomas :))

They're getting nicer day by day. On monday, they asked me, do I believe in santa, toothfairy and boogeyman.

them : busmom, do you believe in toothfairy?
me : *ngakak sambil geleng* of course no!
them : BOOOOOO! GIVE HER A BOOOOO!
James : then who's putting the money under the pillow?
me : it's your parent. they do that to give you courage for losing a teeth :))

James even asked me about toilet God. Yeah, a TOILET GOD. Bentuknya dewa toilet kayak apa juga gue nggak tau... :))

hoobastank - the reason

I once heard that we need a reason for everything.

do we need a reason to live?

I think of so many reason and I came up with 'I live because I still have them who I love the most'. But then I think again, making a person as a reason to live is either being hard to your self or to the person it self. Some people called it 'lean on your self to someone else' or 'being dependent on someone else'. What if the people who were your reason to live is gone? what happen to you? Are you going to die by despair? And for them, do we even have their permission to lean on our live to them?

It was the despair that make being dependent is not okay. It was the impact for our own self that make being dependent is not such a right thing to do.

We cant lean on somebody else. It is wrong for being dependent on somebody else. But why there's a statement told us that--we, human...are a social creature who cant live alone without having the need the existance of others. And even worse, they write that on a book. So I guess this is why school book is a half bull crap. And that is what happened when you believe so much on what you heard and read, nadya

But I guess I figured it out last nite. We need others, and that's it. We need others for live. But people forget that live has a cycle. A hello and goodbye is on it. If people aware of this cycle, perhaps they dont have to feel the despair, and thus...being dependant is still okay, and that school book statement is true.

But everything is absurd, to me. That is why I set my reason in the most practical view : I lived because I had pulse, I'm breathing, and God still allowed me to

[kamu yang di sebelah saya. Coba lain kali cuci kaki dulu sebelum naik ke tempat tidur ya...]

Bolong dan kosong

Belakangan saya terbayang-bayang salah satu adegan di film Dark Shadow. Satu-satunya adegan yang paling bagus menurut saya : ketika si penyihir jahat merogoh dadanya dan menawarkan jantungnya ke Barnabas.

Saya belum nonton keseluruhan film itu. Saya cuma baca sinopsisnya dari wikipedia. Jujur, saya masih trauma sama Alice in wonderland. Tim burton ini entah kenapa jadi jelek begini jalan cerita filmnya. Dan cuma adegan ini yang ngebikin saya terngiang-ngiang sampai sekarang.

Si penyihir jahat bisa merogoh dadanya dan mengeluarkan jantungnya sendiri. Analogi bagus. Sama seperti Davy Jones yang meletakkan jantungnya di tempat tersembunyi.

Organ tubuh yang paling utama itu otak. Karena dia menggerakkan sistem tubuh manusia. Bahkan memori dan segala tetek bengek soal perasaan dan emosi, semua otak yang pegang kendali. Tapi herannya, kenapa segala perasaan terasa di dada? Bahkan di beberapa kasus moderat, terasa langsung di jantung. Kenapa?

Saya bukan orang yang kuat. Seringkali tanpa sadar saya menebah dada pelan-pelan ketika emosi mendidih ke level moderat. Seringkali bulu kuduk saya berdiri karena jantung tiba-tiba berdegup tidak wajar saat takut. Seringkali menarik napas dalam-dalam karena mendadak paru-paru terasa sesak diburu jantung yang berdegup tidak wajar saat merasakan hal yang kurang menyenangkan. Semua terasa di dada. Bukan di kepala

Mungkin ini salah satu kebaikan Tuhan. Dibagi-baginya tugas yang sama rata untuk semua organ. Mungkin kalau otak pun merasakan emosi. Dia bisa meledak.

Saya ingat salah satu paragraf favorit saya dalam buku karangan Seno :

"Kita sering dengan mudah memahami masalah di dalam kepala, namun siapa yang bisa dengan begitu mudah meraba gerak-gerik perasaan di dalam dada? Terlalu sering, begitu sering, aku berkata kepada diriku sendiri, "Kenapa perasaan harus terasa di dada, kenapa tidak terasa di dengkul saja?""

Davy jones dan si penyihir jahat adalah salah dua mahluk beruntung yang bisa melepaskan jantungnya keluar. Menyimpannya di tempat tersembunyi supaya tidak ada sembarang orang yang bisa melukai. Mereka berdua bisa mengosongkan dadanya, membuat rasa tidak lagi terasa. Bolong dan kosong.

-sekian-

[eh, kamu yang di pojok. Ngatain saya lebay & kebanyakan drama ya? Ini kan cuma bahas analogi. Nggak usah ribut!]

1.02 pm post

nice quote, from the book you gave me.

a little experiment

Sekarang kalo lagi bete, bawaannya pengen makan atau...bikin sesuatu. Entah sejak kapan gw jadi suka jajal-jajal masakan begini. Tiap kali gajian selalu nyisihin uang buat belanja bahan yang mau dimasak. Bulan ini gw coba bikin puding roti & roti isi rogut. ternyata gampang juga ya bikinnya, asal mau coba :D



jadi kaaaaaaaaan, GW BERHASIL! \m/

And yes, kepikiran pengen coba bikin brownie cuppies. Dont you worry, old boy. Kalo nggak enak, tinggal dikasih ke kucing. hihihhi..
Spagetti aglio e olio juga nampaknya menarik dan mudah buat dimasak, tapi bahan dasarnya justru bikin dompet seret : olive oil. Satu botol kecil sama kayak indomie goreng sekardus. Otak pelit gw makin jadi kalo dihadepin situasi mesti beli barang mahal begitu.. :))

Managing what to eay is never been easy. Kalo kekeuh mau masak biar murah, jatohnya malah boros. Sayur sepanci siapa yg mau ngabisin? bikin ayam goreng mentega seporsi siapa yg mau ngabisin? always ended up bikin sesuatu yg tinggal goreng, atau kembali ke pilihan yg paling membosankan : beli makanan. Tapi, bersyukurlah...biarpun menu makanan membosankan, at least masih dikasih rejeki buat beli makanan* (*lagi soleha)

melodrama bitch

Sadar nggak kalo pagi ini matahari warnanya putih perak? Kebiasaan liat langit bikin nyadar perubahan warna matahari-bulan, which is...good for me, karena nggak setiap hari mereka berdua keliatan sama.

Anyway, it's november 22th already. Kayaknya baru kemaren gw ribut-ribut hari udah masuk awal november, ribut-ribut pengen cepetan selesai skrpsi dan dapet acc dari pak ustad. Well, I got it. And it's not without any ngedumel-dumel..

November ini bulan kere, rute pagi digabung sama rute lain, ngebikin run pagi off. Payment cuma 2 run sehari. Sementara tiap selasa kamis selalu ijin keluar dan nggak standby, which is...potong honor 1 run lagi. Gw pekerja paling rajin motong honor sendiri :))

Saking seringnya gw ijin keluar dan minta ganti jadwal sore jam 3.40, pak bos sampe bilang, "lama-lama kamu resign sekalian deh". Dari pak bos jutek, sampe dia baik-baik sendiri, tumben-tumbenan nelpon ngingetin ada delta yg mau jalan ke pool. same thing happen to pak dino, biasanya cuek kalo liat chaperone mau numpang delta ke pool. Kali ini doi calling by radio ke driver, minta nunggu gw di depan lobby BO. Nice thing still happen to me. Thank You, Lord.. :)

Bad things happen too tho : gw terancam gagal bisa bebas biaya bpp. and thus harus bayar both biaya bpp + wisuda. Entah mesti nabung berapa lama buat ngelunasin itu. 2 bulan terakhir ngejar-ngejar ngerjain skripsi cepet. Supaya bisa bebas biaya. Karena ternyata bayar kuliah sendiri itu menyesakkan, jenderal. Dan siang ini malah gagal karena : kebodohan sendiri

Setelah berhasil membujuk pak ustad buat tandatangan surat acc, mestinya gw ngeh ya buat langsung urus bebas keuangan di loket, tapi gw keinget kabar burung bahwa ngurus itu mesti daftar sidang ke sekjur dulu. And the fact is : kebalik, mesti bebas keuangan dulu baru bisa daftar sidang. Mestinya tadi bisa langsung selesai bebas keuangan, tp malah maju mundur karena liat antrian panjang dan waktu mepet. Dan sekjur sialan itu kosong orang, tadi ada petugas pun gw rasa karena Tuhan kasihan liat gw sm fitri yg kelewar nesu nungguin Bu kenes buat validasi nilai Ujian Utama. And Voila! itu udah jam 2 pas, sementara jam 3 udah mesti ada di trakindo no matter how. Akhirnya berhasil mendapatkan validasi, tapi tidak dengan bebas keuangan dan daftar ulang. Daftar ulang pun jelas nggak akan keburu (atau sebenernya keburu kalo tadi nggak nggong bego, ini gw cuma lagi menghibur diri aja, shut up now)dan begini nih kata petugas, "salah kamu sendiri, kenapa ngeduluin kerja?". I worked for pay you, assholes! :))

Jam setengah 3 akhirnya berangkat ke trakindo, buat nungguin delta barengan ke sekolah. Mestinya naro motor bs di pool, dan ke trakindo naik kopaja. But, it's a bad luck. Motor di trakindo, delta balik ke pool. Bolak-balik lah dengan bahagia :))

I'm thrilled, panik, takut, capek, nyesel, campur jadi satu. Mau marah, mungkin ini gw lagi menuai benih kemalasan kemaren-kemaren. So, I shut it. I'm tired too, hoping will heard a voice when I'm home, but all i heard is just a wind from the fan.

I texted Dad this evening : ananda lg stress nih, pak. Dan dia bales : kenapa? diputusin pacar? (heran, tiap kali bilang stress selalu dikira habis diputusin, ngedoain bener dah)

And then he called me twice, missed call. I pick up the phone at 9.00

"opo, nduk?", he said
I seriously want to say, "aku kangen, pak. capek di rumah sendiri terus. aku mau pulang. aku perlu temen buat ngomong. aku mau pulang" but i didnt say it. cuma bisa nahan nangis aja sepanjang pak haji ini nasihatin soal solat & ngaji. Dari di kopaja sebenernya mata udah agak berair karena mendadak kebayang muka bapak, dan keinget mimpi jelek kemaren. It's funny how I feel like I saw me inside him. Melodrama bitch is now sick again, feeling empty as she can be. Doing routine like a robo. And yet after hearing her father's voice, she cried hard, and 5 minutes later she sit on the dining table, smoking like nothing happen

haruki murakami's

"Once you pass a certain age, life becomes nothing more than a process of continual loss. Things that are important to your life begin to slip out of your grasp, one after another, like a comb losing teeth. And the only things that come to take their place are worthless imitations. Your physical strength, your hopes, your dreams, your ideals, your convictions, all meaning, or, then again, the people you love: one by one, they fade away. Some announce their departure before they leave, while others just disappear all of a sudden without warning one day. And once you lose them you can never get them back. Your search for replacements never goes well. It's all very painful - as painful as actually being cut with a knife. You will be turning thirty soon, Mr. Kawana, which means that, from now on, you will gradually enter that twilight portion of life - you will be getting older."

Haruki murakami on IQ84

random captured

captured it when me & rock gal dine in roppan. everytime we dine in, I've always imagined how is it too see her and his man, being a vape like I used to for my other couple friend.. :p or dine in a double date, hahaha :))



capture it on a plane on my way to surabaya, kinda lucky to see this angle. but bad luck for loosing the original file



captured it on my walk to trakkindo after finishing work. wondering why people have less attention to the trees while tree has this amazing look

childhood

what I do when I was a kid :

1. main sepeda keliling kompleks sama anak-anak ruko. dulu langsung minta beliin sepeda sama papa waktu liat yg lain main sepeda. Lalu setelah punya sepeda, sepedaan keliling komplek malem-malem

2. berenang pas jalanan banjir. ini jorok. I know

3. bolos ngaji si TPA karena takut dimarahin guru ngaji gara-gara belum bisa baca iqra, atau bolos karena mau nonton baja hitam rx & sailormoon

4. pulang ke rumah mbah pas istirahat sekolah buat minta jajanan di tokonya mbah

5. berburu belalang sama saudara sepupu di petak tanah kosong

6. treat a maid badly like a boss, and soon my attitude was fixed by momma :))

7. setiap ada saudara nikah, selalu berdiri di deket meja hidangan dessert, malah sampe duduk di dapur di sebelah kerangjang buah kelengkeng

8. selalu takut sama pelajaran matematika

9. sering buang sayur yang dituang mama ke tong sampah, apalagi kalo sayur labu. huek

10. suka nuang pasir ke kepalanya si adek pas dia masih kecil, gw jg nggak inget kenapa suka banget ngelakuin ini ke dia. maaf ya, dek :))

11. sangat suka minta papa main ke tempat mama, makan opor bikinan mama sambil nunggu pertunjukan sulap david cooperfield, & dipakein kaos mama yg kegedean buat bobok

12. selalu mengira akan jadi seorang insyinyur kayak mama, dan bekerja seperti papa. fact : too dumb to finish a simple aljabar formula

13. dari kecil emang susah senyum

14. makan bakso nggak pernah pake kuah, malah nuang saos + kecap sampe banjir. I lost my appendix because of that :))

15. ada angkot buat pulang, tapi lebih suka pulang lewat sawah sama sepupu

16. nggak pernah membantah kalo dimarahin, anak baik bukan? :))

17. kalo sakit mesti diopname, dikasih kamar yang itu-itu terus sama org rumah sakit, saking seringnya opname...suster di situ sampe hapal muka gue sampe sekarang

18. jadi suka bau rumah sakit karena sering opname

19. kalo telapak tangan gatel suka gesek-gesekin telapak tangan ke dagu papa yg ada jenggot tajem-tajemnya

20. kalo dibonceng naik motor sm papa di depan selalu diuwel-uwel kepalanya sm papa...pake dagunya -__-"

21 pertama kali nonton film dengan serius adalah pas nonton my girl. mungkin karena itu gw benci sad ending

22. lebih rajin nulis cerita dari pada dengerin guru ngomong

23. nggak pernah bisa jawab pertanyaan di depan kelas, takut dimarahin


23 aja, pas kan sama umur. Harusnya dulu udah ada fitur video, jadi bisa ngerekam keseharian diri sendiri.. :D

some people do, some people dont

there's something people can do, good at it. and some people can't do it.

some people can say what they wanted to say, some people dont. I dont
why is it so hard to talk? to talk, for God's sake. To talk. Why is it so hard? I didn't know what makes me so hard to talk, especially when I'm wrong, and I need to talk to them whom I messed up. The guilt eating me?
some people can relieve their angry when they fed up, some people dont. I dont
I fed up all the time. And yet nobody ever see me angry at all. I fed up, I quite like a stone :))
some people can keep the truth for their own mind only, my mom can do it. I dont
after all this time, mom can keep : "i dont know anything about you at all actually, kid" from me
some people good at doing thing spontaneously, some people dont. I dont
to think a lot is my curse. the term 'gimana nanti' cant work on me, 'nanti gimana?' is the one that always work. think to much, fear to much.
some people good at being a person, I dont
some people good at being a sister, I dont
some people good at being a daughter, I dont
some people good at being a friend, I dont
but i do good at making sin and mistake


duh, jadi pengen nyaplok coklat

at 12.13

I supposed to sleep right now, but due to my heart is emotionally rushing, I can't.

Last assigment has been eating me slowly. Hahaha, namanya juga kewajiban. Akhirnya ngerasain juga apa yang dirasain temen-temen lain waktu ribet ngerjain skripsi. Sadly is, quota wisuda penuh. Jadi, ane wisuda tahun depan, gan.. *gantung diri*

Di sela-sela kerja (yes, I'm working now, dear blog. As a chaperone) sambil ngerjain skripsi, waktu senggang yang saya punya jelas dipake buat tidur/jalan-jalan/beberes/ketemuan sama temen/nonton. Yang terakhir yang paling jarang dilakukan. Untung cuma ada beberapa film bagus* (*definisi bagus di sini relatif. Bisa jadi aktornya yang bagus, plot filmnya yang bagus, atau sutradaranya yang bagus) yang emang jadi inceran. Taken 2, cuma karena Liam Neeson. Dan Looper, karena Bruce willis & Joseph gordon levit. Agak-agak ngarep waktu itu bisa ngejar catch 44, lantaran ada adegan bruce willis pake kemeja nggak dikancingin, lalu dia joget-joget... *lap keringet*

Looper, saudara-saudara...adalah film mengenai time travel. Di mana di masa yg akan datang, para penjahat ngebuang target pembunuhan ke masa lalu buat dibunuh, and thus..they had no evidence. Beberapa menit film main, yang saya pikirin cuma 1 : KENAPA ALIS JOSEPH SEREM BANGET, YA ALLAH? KENAPA IDUNGNYA BEGITU?!. Ternyata, dia dimakeup semirip mungkin sama bruce willis. Well... :|



up above was the scene I love the most. You can tell how marvelous Bruce willis is..

8/6/2012

kalian mending mana? cinta ditolak atau nggak mengungkapkan cinta?

gue jawab, "mending cinta ditolak". Nggak lama kemudian ada sahutan, "di mana letak mendingnya?" :))

Di mana letak mendingnya? I'll tell...

Cinta ditolak, itu memang luar biasa sakit rasanya. Kenapa sakit? karena ada harapan di situ. Harapan untuk dicintai balik. Kebanyakan ketika kita sayang/cinta sm orang lain, seiringan pula kita juga mau dicintai balik. Kita mau ngerasain yg namanya dicium atau dipeluk orang yang kita sayang. Selain kamu sayang sm orang yang kamu sayang, bukankah kamu juga menyayangi dirimu sendiri? :)

Berulang kali gue marah, kesel, dongkol. Mungkin bukan karena sikap dia yang salah, atau juga karena ucapan dia salah. Tapi jangan-jangan karena apa yang dia lakukan tidak sesuai dengan apa yang gue mau? Siapa tau kan?

Once a friend said, "mencintai itu ya mencintai, tidak ada aktif pasif di dalamnya. Mencintai ya mencintai, tidak termasuk dicintai di dalamnya"

Kalo dipikir-pikir, itu bener. Mencintai ya mencintai. Bagaimana orang yang kamu cintai/sayangi terhadapmu, itu urusan dia. Tapi, menghilangkan "I love me more" itu nggak semudah ngapus tulisan pake penghapus kan?

End of the month

It's gonna be july soon. I dont know whether shall I happy or sad. Been almost two month had these trash inside my head. How could a thought could destroy my mood?

I think of them often. Them is those who were my closest people. I think of the moment that got away. And nothing can bring it back. How bad is it to remember things and regret things at the same time?

I remember the time when we were so silly joking each other. Talking about the future like we had a clue (it's katy perry's song btw :D ). The time when you oftenly type a silly emoticon when we chat. The time when you joke me with a kind of vulgar joke ever. The time when you say ' I'm here, pumpkin' as you really mean it. The time when me and my bestfriend hanging out and playing a silly games we called 'abc labyrinth'. The time when we gone crazy for some old places. And the list still go on...

I forgot that time flies. Time flies and bring the moment away. I might have the person back, but can I have the moment again too? Many things happen, bad and good thing. When the good thing happen, I shall gratitude. And realize that good thing might not happen twice...

I wish I could just go back to 2009 when we first met. I missed our mail. I wish I could go back to 2007 when I firstly step my feet to campus. I wish I could, but I couldnt. It's a moment that got away...

posted from Bloggeroid

3:39 am

Pernah denger "curiosity kills the cat"? Menurut gue itu salah. Harusnya "curiosity kills those who posses it"

Temen gue bilang, "kamu mikir itu karena mampu berdialektika. bukan perkara butuh atau tidak"

Tega ya?

I dont need this dialectics method. Lama-lama capek juga loh mikirin hal yang nggak perlu. Udah berusaha buat ngalihin pikiran. Tapi selalu datang lagi-datang lagi. Ini sejenis kutukan mungkin.

I question a lot. And mostly I have no answer at all. Perhaps, it's what make me sick

sakit gigi, belum mandi, dan kangen kamu

kapan terakhir kali kamu sakit gigi? aku belakangan sakit gigi. Lagi. Padahal gigi bolong juga enggak. Kayaknya ini semacam peringatan biar aku diet deh. Mau makan makanan enak jadi gak bisa. Sedihnya.

kapan terakhir kali kamu mandi? aku kemaren siang. Sabun mandi sekarang aweeeet banget. Soalnya dipake beberapa hari sekali. Jangan bilang aku jorok. Kalo aku pergi terus gak mandi baru itu jorok. Aku kan gak kemana-mana, di rumah doang. Palingan bau bantal aja kan. Jadi wajar kalo mandinya 2 hari sekali, hahahahaha :D

Kapan terakhir kali ngobrol sama kamu ya? bulan lalu. Kangen. Kangen tapi gak bisa ngapa-ngapain. Sedihnya jangan ditanya. Bawaannya kepengen nangis aja. Tapi kalo nangis terus nanti melow terus, ntar malah makin gak bisa ngapa-ngapain. Jadi harus bisa ketawa-ketawa aja kan kalo lagi kangen sama kamu..

I missed you! :)

Hashtag

Some friends playing hastag #crushonyou on timeline. Well, i cant play it there, so i'll move here... :D

* i like the way you called me 'pumpkin' 'boboku' 'bundar' 'mama **' :D

* i love your arms. I could zoom in your photograph just to see your arms close

* i love the way you smile and laugh :)

* i love it when you're being whiny, "aku kangen kamu tp kamu gak nyariin aku :( " , you look so silly :))

* i love the way you treat me when we're... Uh, what? *lost signal* :))

* i always missed our silly talk about xiao po

* i think of you everyday, sounds treatical, but it's true..

* i understand why you like to wear shoes with no socks. Kinda comforting tho...

* used to very happy when we were flirt each other back then in our daily mail..

* i still remember you're striptease promise! :))

* i misses you. All day long. :(

Will be in a very gloomy mood for the rest of day, i guess...

posted from Bloggeroid

04:16

Lord, everything's gone worse. What should I do?

posted from Bloggeroid

2nd weeks

it's been.... i dont know for how long we've been so quite each other. i think of you tonight. you were on my mind everyday. where are you, pumpkin?

i'm about to share you my chocolate balls... i missed you :(

posted from Bloggeroid

life..

book shelf, simply heaven, but it doesnt change the fact that life is still hard... :))

mini ducati has been parked! :D

how harsh your eyes can be? I could, without even try! -__-"

....

*puking dead bats, dead worm, dead cocroaches*

TAKES A LOT OF SIGHING, A LOT OF GAZING TO THE SKY, AND A LOT OF SWEARING TO FINISH THIS PAGE. I'M A DEAD VAMPIRE!

silly and no idea why

been experienced a silly conversation on twitter..


@MrsBonasera : how to spell 'bvlgari'?
@severussss : it's just bvlgari
@MrsBonasera : okay...bvlgari

@MrsBonasera <-- gak lulus-lulus RT: @JakaAdy: <-- ga lulus kelas ilustrasi 3x RT @kangatot: <-- ga lulus cost accounting 4x

new family member

bought them from gramedia 25% discount. Tadinya bingung mau beli Antologi Rasanya ika natassa sekalian apa nggak. Langsung gue tarok lagi tu buku di rak, it's a metropop btw. Ntar yg ada malah ngayal mulu gak ada juntrungannya. That's why I pick these. The hunger games yg filmnya emang bagus, sama the gates, yg reviewnya bilang sekocak bartimaeus trilogy. Sayang gue gak pake BCA, padahal kalo pake bisa dapet tambahan diskon jadi 35% tuh.. :D

Welcome to the family you two!

morning itches

“Because,' she said, 'when you're scared but you still do it anyway, that's brave.”
― Neil Gaiman, Coraline

“Usually we walk around constantly believing ourselves. "I'm okay" we say. "I'm alright". But sometimes the truth arrives on you and you can't get it off. That's when you realize that sometimes it isn't even an answer--it's a question. Even now, I wonder how much of my life is convinced.”
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

“So much good, so much evil. Just add water.”
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

“But how can you walk away from something and still come back to it?”
― Neil Gaiman, Coraline

“It won't hurt, said her other father. Coraline knew that when grown-ups told you something wouldn't hurt it almost always did. She shook her head.”
― Neil Gaiman, Coraline


I can't say that I'm brave. I'm tired. And there's no other way to come back. I want my 17 life again. Being grown up is tiring.

smile

above : my finest wide smile photograph. looks happy. now i cant even smile that wide

above : wont tell you with ki-ka style. I had a long term right left confusion. it's my friend. she's the one who likes to smile wide

above : parents. looks very happy. this is why i love take a candid

random browsing

I'd love to browse thing randomly. few days ago I browsed 'reading corner' and found even more a very good looking reading corner design and tree house view. cool.

above : tiny house, looks cozy. living alone in that kind of house won't make me lonely perhaps. :D

above : this is how I wanna build my reading corner. sadly my books isn't that much.

above : a very nice looking kitchen, but it's too wide for me (i'm a small person.. :D )

long and winding road

"and all the road that lead us there are winding"

let's have a walk, pumpkin.. :)

when you're turning 30

this is an absolutely a good week for me. well, especially for you :D

"60 seconds is a minute. 60 minutes is an hour. Time is everything"

I got that from Hugo Cabret. A very nice quote. Remind me of us. You're turning 30, and by the next 5 year, you'll turning 35. How many times we've spend together? The fact that one of us could gone anytime was scared me. Time is everything. Don't you think it's cruel how time flies away and leave us wondering while look back and thinking, "What have I done?" "What have we done?"

I've should known you a long time ago. So I could spend time with you, longer. Do you hear me? Harusnya aku kenal kamu dari dulu, bukan 4 tahun lalu. Supaya punya waktu lebih banyak sama kamu. :D

about rain, pain, and friend

what's with the rain?

what I miss about the rain is the lighting. I love the sounds of the lighting. Nature's sounds fascinate me. The rain drops, the lighting, the frogs, and the wind. Hearing them calms me down. Seeing the clouds dazzled me. The sounds came for a while. The lighting doesn't come anytime when it is rain, it came in some times. I have a very few times, in a second, just to hear them, and mesmerized, and then it's gone. While the clouds doesn't have the same shape everyday. I'm lucky for seeing them everyday.

what's with the pain?

The pain is to miss you. To miss you and yet being far away from you. I wonder how does my heart looks like deep inside. Perhaps it's messy. With you everywhere. Hey, dont get surprised. Mine is a longing heart. You'll find your self here everyday. This pain taught me to realize that every pretty moment we had could be disappear in a second, like the clouds and the lightning. Sometimes the lightning came, like you, who came sometimes. I have a very few times, in a second, just to hear the lightning, mesmerized, and then it's gone. And so I was, I have a very few times, in a minutes or an hour, just to meet you, mesmerized, and then you're gone. But I cant see you like I see the clouds, yet. It doesnt have the same shape everyday. Like you who doesnt have the same moment everyday, the same laugh, the same smile, the same giggles, and yet everything. Hopefully I can see your shape someday, for everyday for the rest of my life.

what's with the friend?

the friend is everything. Mine is a cup of coffee, some books, and a real human one :)

Jazz, Parfum, dan Insiden

I've got this book from my uncle hartantok's book shelf. It's Seno gumira's. I've been looking for it for a years. Malah ketemu di rak buku om tok.. :D

Seno nggak terlalu banyak pake kalimat yang berbunga-bunga. Which is very annoying to me. Dia banyak pake ungkapan sederhana yang maknanya ngena. Sama kayak Pramoedya. Kalimatnya sederhana, nggak 'berbunga-bunga' dan artinya gampang dipahami. Meski pun genrenya termasuk sastra. I'll type my favourite paragraph..

"Wanita, perempuan, betina - ketiga istilah ini sebenarnya menyatu dalam satu mahluk : Ia bisa mengasihi seperti seorang ibu, mesra bagaikan kekasih impian, dan begitu jalang ibarat pelacur yang paling menantang"

"Wanita biasa. Lama-lama aku menyadari juga, setiap wanita adalah wanita - tidak bisa lain bukan?"

"Aku sudah mengatakan dirinya indah, tapi jawabannya semacam itu. Kukira, tidak semua hal harus dikatakan bukan? Aku juga haru pandai menerima nasib"

"Barangkali kita hidup hanya untuk memburu makna hari. Meyakinkan diri bahwa semua ini barangkali saja tidak terlalu sia-sia"

"Apa yang disebut cinta itu punya begitu banyak bentuk, yang kadangkala cukup merepotkan, dan seringkali tidak proporsional. AKu ingin menyelesaikan urusanku dengan semua itu. AKu ingin tutup buku"

"Kita sering dengan mudah memahami masalah di dalam kepala, namun siapa yang bisa dengan begitu mudah meraba gerak-gerik perasaan di dalam dada? Terlalu sering, begitu sering, aku berkata kepada diriku sendiri, "Kenapa perasaan harus terasa di dada, kenapa tidak terasa di dengkul saja?""

"Sampai sekarang aku masih tidak habis pikir dengan kemampuan manusia menerjemahkan dirinya. Robert Johnson menyanyi hanya diiringi gitar. Namun betapa bisa bertenaganya sebuah lagu. Ia menggerakkan sukma"

"Hidup memang memabukkan. Tapi barangkali mabuk itu perlu, ketidaksasadaran kadang-kadang juga penting. Aku tidak bisa membayangkan,apa jadinya kalau kita terus-menerus hidup dengan kesadaran bahwa kehidupan ini cuma sementara, kebahagiaan hanya sekejap, dan dunia ini adalah setumpuk taik kucing"

Sewaktu baca ini, gw bener-bener seperti baca isi pikiran Seno tentang perempuan-perempuan yg ketemu sama dia. Cool. :)

monster dish :)

this monster dish is calling him self as handsome bf. well, i prefer to call him 'mosnter dish'. Why? he could eat 4 dish on a plate in one eating session. Go figure. He has a great tummy down there, fufufufufu...

I always try to make some paragraphs to describe him, and yet it always failed. Perhaps it's too many thing I'll write. Monster dish loves playstation. I'll beat him someday, on the game, or on the bed, what's the different? *evil laugh*
But monster dish can't play bekel, i think it's the only game i could beat him up. A friend said that Monster dish can't differ which one is purple and which one is magenta. While I can't differ which one is right and which one is left. Monster dish loves The police like I do. That's a thing we had in common.

It's depressing when monster dish is not around. There's so many thing I wanna share. So many thing I wanna do, on him. How do we look when we together one day? How do I look when I see your face? How do you look when you my face?

Monster, i finally believe of what you said, that we'll never know what's on people's mind no matter how close we were to them. I never know what's on your mind. What's on your mind when I'm not around? what's on your mind when you looking at your screen and you replying my text? I had a lot of question, and yet I keep it my self till I forget it as time goes by..

I do believe 'nothing worth having comes easy' as a friend tweets last day. It's never be easy to face the fact that i cant be with you everyday, monster. But being with you is the happiest time of my day. This words may sounds chessy. But believe me, this is what's on my mind when I think of you.

How do you spend your day, monster? ;))

A day of work, a couple minutes to eat, a couple minutes again to smoke?

I'll touch your waist anytime I want if you're around, and if you let me. I'll touch your waist, while I look up and see you in your eyes, and letting you see my silly face staring at you in my happy silly face.

I'll do so many silly thing to you. Well, I'm silly when I'm too happy to be with you.

Monster, i wish you have a happy life. Now and then. And I hope I can see it someday..and I hope we'll still be together that day... ;)) *giggle like there's no tomorrow*

stuff...

This is some stuff I desperately wanna have..

this book is too damn expensive to me. Biar boros beli buku, gini-gini gue nggak pernah beli buku yg harganya lebih dari 100.000 idr. Ya secara gue nyarinya diskonan melulu. This bryan magee's book had been my target since 3 years ago. Miris ya? :))

Daypack northface 33lt iniiiiiii! taun lalu udah nitip sama temen. Eeeh, kena iseng petugas bandara.. :(

cute isn't it? same thing happen to this cutie, nggak kebeli. Entah sekarang masih ada apa nggak..

this house. an empty house in menteng region is cool. Keren banget gak sih design rumahnya?! I used to imagine this house everyday :))

this house looks stunning from distance..

jadi, kapan ini semua bisa gue dapetin? :D

Hometown Hero city

I was born at Surabaya 22 years ago. Pffttttt, 22 years ago is too much. I wish I was 17 again. But 17 was a so so age to me. I moved back to my hometown after a years living in Jakarta. 9 years precisely. The first I saw my senior high school building, I ask my self, "INI SEKOLAH APA KELURAHAN YA?"

I'm serious. Sekolah gue itu gedungnya persis kayak gedung kelurahan kalo diliat dari depan. Begitu masuk ke dalem, mirip stasiun. Kenapa? Karena bangunannya lurus aja gak ada belok-beloknya. Umumnya bentuk gentuk sekolah itu bentuk angkare kan? And don't tell me you don't know what is angkare shape. Nah, bentuk sekolah gue ini lurus. Dari ruang guru, teruuuus aja langsung ketemu kantin dan musholla. Dan letak sekolah gue itu di sebelahan sama jalan tol. Serius ini. Jadi kebayang kan pas lagi ujian listening, suara conversation disetel di speaker kelas? nggak kedengeran, jek. Atau pas lagi serius-seriusnya ngerjain soal, tau-tau terdengar suara ban truk pecah. Asli, annoying abis.

What else about this town I can tell? the youth? anak muda di sini banyak kegiatan memang. Dan rata-rata doyan banget main basket. And the girls. Well, it's such a quirky combintaion between logat medok and branded stuff. Aseli. Yang ini ajaib bener. :))

The food, yes...the food. Apalagi kalo bukan tahu teeeeeeeeeeeeek?! tahu gunting, lontong balap, rujak cingur. Heeerrrgghh, I might lost kemedokan inside me, tapi lidah gue enggak. Makanan di sini enak-enak bener. Ihiks, jadi kangen kan. Setiap punya kesempatan buat pulang, gue selalu nyempetin makan tahu tek, jajan rujak cingur, dan jajan lagi di sekitar masjid agung. Hihihiii...

makanan di atas ini kalo di tanah sunda sana namanya cilok kali ya? ini jajanan udah ada dari jaman gue masih SD. Dan tiap sore habis pulang TPA (yang masjidnya persis di belakang rumah gue) , gue pasti nyempetin jajan ini. Tapi saosnya bikin gue mesti operasi usus buntu, hahahaha. Jajan bakso depan rumah juga pasti gak pake kuah dan cuma pake saos doang.. :D
Cilok lokal ini temennya banyak, satu gerobak isinya gak cuma dia doang. Ada banyak sate-sate-an yg entah namanya apa. Pokoknya mah enak aja kalo dimakan..

di depan masjid agung juga ada warung mie favorit gue dan simbah kakung. Warung mie cakno namanya.Sebelahnya cakno ada seafood ronggolawe yg muahalnya gak kira-kira. Dan entah kenapa, kok mie goreng cak no ini rasanya gak ada yg ngalahin. In fact, semua mie tek-tek surabaya itu rasanya enaaaaaaaaaaaak!

Dan setiap gue pulang ke sana, pasti nyempetin main ke Tunjungan Plaza. Itu plaza ya, udah berkali-kali gue datengin. Tetep aja gue gak apal posisi mana plaza 1, 2, 3, 4. Luasnya kebangetan. Same thing happen in Grand Indonesia. Cuma bedanya, di Grand Indonesia yang masuk orang-orang atas, jarang keliatan itik desa macam gue ini main-main ke sana. Kalo di Tunjungan, semuanya sama aja. Anak-anak gahoel Surabaya, anak-anak SMAnya, sampe yang geeky-geeky juga ngayapnya ke sana. Di sana ada satu stand jajanan yg nggak pernah gue lupa datengin. Yaituh : Cincau station. Ini dia sejenis minuman dari serbuk cincau/teh yang diolah pake macem-macem campuran. My favourite, Teh hijau dikasih susu. Rasanya SURGA abis, mamen..

Dan pastinya toko mainan dong ya, :))
Kalo di jakarta, ke toko mainan bonafit kudu ke PIM minimal. Kalo di Surabaya, ke Tunjungan juga udah ada :D

quiet

Some friends complain that I was too selfish to mingle. I spend much of my time by listening a song, reading a book, and sleep

But have you try this? :

1. put your earphone

2. set a great volume

3. play a great song

Then you'll stuck by your self. Without even notice who was sitting next to you, what people talk about next to you. Well, i do feel like having my own world inside my head. Why did I did this? too many thought in my head. I don't even want to think about too many thing, but sometimes my mind just go wild.

Anyway, I wont tell shallow thing right now.

Have you ever heard the sentence : 70's, 80's, 90's music is the best?

It is damn right. My ears are old. They listen too many the police and Queen. I visit disc store for almost everyweek. Asking for listen Bruno mars, and I come out from the store bringing The best of the cranberries instead. I love bruno mars, but that's it. His song won't drag my ears for a years like Queen's song did.. :))

my precious books

so here's my latest post, after a thousand years of solitude. No, i wasn't meditating in a batcave or something. My brain was just too lazy to think of something neat. Even my last assignment is in the fridge. Kidding, it's stuck in page 5, chapter 1. Pathetic? No...you should see how sucks this assignment.


what was happen back in 2011 was....awesome? I broke my foot in an accident, my vehicle screwed, and I have a bald part in my head. Yeah, A BALD PART. It even felt hurt sometimes. Sekarang setiap mau keluar rumah, gue naik angkot. Dan babiknya adalah, pas gue lagi sering-seringnya naik angkot malah banyak berita pemerkosaan di angkot. Malahan, tempo hari gue liat aksi pencopetan di angkot. Ngepeeeet, kenapa gue mesti liat?!


Mari tidak membahas angkot di sini, kalo keinget hawa angkot bawaannya pengen kipas-kipas melulu.


There's a good news anyway. Selera baca gue mulai sembuh :) , iya...sembuh. Sebelumnya gue bahkan nggak sanggup fokus 15 menit baca satu buku. Yang akhirnya itu buku selesai dalam waktu berbulan-bulan. It such a retard, to me. Perhaps my interest of books is change. Mungkin gue emang lagi bosen aja baca buku, atau mungkin karena suasana hati yg lebih sering nggak karuannya ketimbang karuannya, makanya mood baca pun sirna. But it healed now. I'm glad. hehehehe...


Dalam sebulan ini, gue khilaf belanja segini banyak..

This Joshua'file : invisible city was really interesting. Banyak ngebahas sejarah suku maya. Dan ceritanya memang tentang petualangan anak arkeolog dan settingnya di meksiko, banyak situs penggalian di sebut di situ. It is good. But not as good as The immortal life nicholas flamel yang tersohor itu, dan gak semenarik triloginya bartimaeus. Selain (ngitung buku barusan) 6 buku tadi, sebelumnya gue juga udah kelar baca 'Entrok'nya okky madasari. Tema cerita seputar kehidupan di masa Soeharto dulu, bahasanya lugas, bahasannya cerdas, dan gak bertele-tele yang banyak pake istilah politik. Ini pure paparan kisah kehidupan di masa itu. Dan itu novel kelar dalam hitungan hari bok. I should give my self a thropy, I guess.. :))

Buku nambah banyak, tapi space di rak buku gak nambah. Ini pun belom lagi ditambah gue mulai beli komik. Yep, when I'm too tired to read something serious, I read comic. I wish I had a porn one, ngahahahahaha :))

here's my situation..

Ini belom lagi beli The warlock. And guess what? I'm reading Mario Puzo's Godfather! textbooknya pulak! kurang belaguk apa coba. Baca novel textbook rajin, baca ebook buat bahan skripsi malesnya naujubilleh... :))

anyway, I just bought these cuties from @DrivebooksJKT book sale event. It been held on sunday morning, start from 6 am, till the book is gone. I bought these for 25000 idr (the big one), and 5000 idr (the small) each. Lucky? no, that bastard who bought Neil Gaiman's books on last year even was! damn!