melodrama bitch

Sadar nggak kalo pagi ini matahari warnanya putih perak? Kebiasaan liat langit bikin nyadar perubahan warna matahari-bulan, which is...good for me, karena nggak setiap hari mereka berdua keliatan sama.

Anyway, it's november 22th already. Kayaknya baru kemaren gw ribut-ribut hari udah masuk awal november, ribut-ribut pengen cepetan selesai skrpsi dan dapet acc dari pak ustad. Well, I got it. And it's not without any ngedumel-dumel..

November ini bulan kere, rute pagi digabung sama rute lain, ngebikin run pagi off. Payment cuma 2 run sehari. Sementara tiap selasa kamis selalu ijin keluar dan nggak standby, which is...potong honor 1 run lagi. Gw pekerja paling rajin motong honor sendiri :))

Saking seringnya gw ijin keluar dan minta ganti jadwal sore jam 3.40, pak bos sampe bilang, "lama-lama kamu resign sekalian deh". Dari pak bos jutek, sampe dia baik-baik sendiri, tumben-tumbenan nelpon ngingetin ada delta yg mau jalan ke pool. same thing happen to pak dino, biasanya cuek kalo liat chaperone mau numpang delta ke pool. Kali ini doi calling by radio ke driver, minta nunggu gw di depan lobby BO. Nice thing still happen to me. Thank You, Lord.. :)

Bad things happen too tho : gw terancam gagal bisa bebas biaya bpp. and thus harus bayar both biaya bpp + wisuda. Entah mesti nabung berapa lama buat ngelunasin itu. 2 bulan terakhir ngejar-ngejar ngerjain skripsi cepet. Supaya bisa bebas biaya. Karena ternyata bayar kuliah sendiri itu menyesakkan, jenderal. Dan siang ini malah gagal karena : kebodohan sendiri

Setelah berhasil membujuk pak ustad buat tandatangan surat acc, mestinya gw ngeh ya buat langsung urus bebas keuangan di loket, tapi gw keinget kabar burung bahwa ngurus itu mesti daftar sidang ke sekjur dulu. And the fact is : kebalik, mesti bebas keuangan dulu baru bisa daftar sidang. Mestinya tadi bisa langsung selesai bebas keuangan, tp malah maju mundur karena liat antrian panjang dan waktu mepet. Dan sekjur sialan itu kosong orang, tadi ada petugas pun gw rasa karena Tuhan kasihan liat gw sm fitri yg kelewar nesu nungguin Bu kenes buat validasi nilai Ujian Utama. And Voila! itu udah jam 2 pas, sementara jam 3 udah mesti ada di trakindo no matter how. Akhirnya berhasil mendapatkan validasi, tapi tidak dengan bebas keuangan dan daftar ulang. Daftar ulang pun jelas nggak akan keburu (atau sebenernya keburu kalo tadi nggak nggong bego, ini gw cuma lagi menghibur diri aja, shut up now)dan begini nih kata petugas, "salah kamu sendiri, kenapa ngeduluin kerja?". I worked for pay you, assholes! :))

Jam setengah 3 akhirnya berangkat ke trakindo, buat nungguin delta barengan ke sekolah. Mestinya naro motor bs di pool, dan ke trakindo naik kopaja. But, it's a bad luck. Motor di trakindo, delta balik ke pool. Bolak-balik lah dengan bahagia :))

I'm thrilled, panik, takut, capek, nyesel, campur jadi satu. Mau marah, mungkin ini gw lagi menuai benih kemalasan kemaren-kemaren. So, I shut it. I'm tired too, hoping will heard a voice when I'm home, but all i heard is just a wind from the fan.

I texted Dad this evening : ananda lg stress nih, pak. Dan dia bales : kenapa? diputusin pacar? (heran, tiap kali bilang stress selalu dikira habis diputusin, ngedoain bener dah)

And then he called me twice, missed call. I pick up the phone at 9.00

"opo, nduk?", he said
I seriously want to say, "aku kangen, pak. capek di rumah sendiri terus. aku mau pulang. aku perlu temen buat ngomong. aku mau pulang" but i didnt say it. cuma bisa nahan nangis aja sepanjang pak haji ini nasihatin soal solat & ngaji. Dari di kopaja sebenernya mata udah agak berair karena mendadak kebayang muka bapak, dan keinget mimpi jelek kemaren. It's funny how I feel like I saw me inside him. Melodrama bitch is now sick again, feeling empty as she can be. Doing routine like a robo. And yet after hearing her father's voice, she cried hard, and 5 minutes later she sit on the dining table, smoking like nothing happen

haruki murakami's

"Once you pass a certain age, life becomes nothing more than a process of continual loss. Things that are important to your life begin to slip out of your grasp, one after another, like a comb losing teeth. And the only things that come to take their place are worthless imitations. Your physical strength, your hopes, your dreams, your ideals, your convictions, all meaning, or, then again, the people you love: one by one, they fade away. Some announce their departure before they leave, while others just disappear all of a sudden without warning one day. And once you lose them you can never get them back. Your search for replacements never goes well. It's all very painful - as painful as actually being cut with a knife. You will be turning thirty soon, Mr. Kawana, which means that, from now on, you will gradually enter that twilight portion of life - you will be getting older."

Haruki murakami on IQ84

random captured

captured it when me & rock gal dine in roppan. everytime we dine in, I've always imagined how is it too see her and his man, being a vape like I used to for my other couple friend.. :p or dine in a double date, hahaha :))



capture it on a plane on my way to surabaya, kinda lucky to see this angle. but bad luck for loosing the original file



captured it on my walk to trakkindo after finishing work. wondering why people have less attention to the trees while tree has this amazing look

childhood

what I do when I was a kid :

1. main sepeda keliling kompleks sama anak-anak ruko. dulu langsung minta beliin sepeda sama papa waktu liat yg lain main sepeda. Lalu setelah punya sepeda, sepedaan keliling komplek malem-malem

2. berenang pas jalanan banjir. ini jorok. I know

3. bolos ngaji si TPA karena takut dimarahin guru ngaji gara-gara belum bisa baca iqra, atau bolos karena mau nonton baja hitam rx & sailormoon

4. pulang ke rumah mbah pas istirahat sekolah buat minta jajanan di tokonya mbah

5. berburu belalang sama saudara sepupu di petak tanah kosong

6. treat a maid badly like a boss, and soon my attitude was fixed by momma :))

7. setiap ada saudara nikah, selalu berdiri di deket meja hidangan dessert, malah sampe duduk di dapur di sebelah kerangjang buah kelengkeng

8. selalu takut sama pelajaran matematika

9. sering buang sayur yang dituang mama ke tong sampah, apalagi kalo sayur labu. huek

10. suka nuang pasir ke kepalanya si adek pas dia masih kecil, gw jg nggak inget kenapa suka banget ngelakuin ini ke dia. maaf ya, dek :))

11. sangat suka minta papa main ke tempat mama, makan opor bikinan mama sambil nunggu pertunjukan sulap david cooperfield, & dipakein kaos mama yg kegedean buat bobok

12. selalu mengira akan jadi seorang insyinyur kayak mama, dan bekerja seperti papa. fact : too dumb to finish a simple aljabar formula

13. dari kecil emang susah senyum

14. makan bakso nggak pernah pake kuah, malah nuang saos + kecap sampe banjir. I lost my appendix because of that :))

15. ada angkot buat pulang, tapi lebih suka pulang lewat sawah sama sepupu

16. nggak pernah membantah kalo dimarahin, anak baik bukan? :))

17. kalo sakit mesti diopname, dikasih kamar yang itu-itu terus sama org rumah sakit, saking seringnya opname...suster di situ sampe hapal muka gue sampe sekarang

18. jadi suka bau rumah sakit karena sering opname

19. kalo telapak tangan gatel suka gesek-gesekin telapak tangan ke dagu papa yg ada jenggot tajem-tajemnya

20. kalo dibonceng naik motor sm papa di depan selalu diuwel-uwel kepalanya sm papa...pake dagunya -__-"

21 pertama kali nonton film dengan serius adalah pas nonton my girl. mungkin karena itu gw benci sad ending

22. lebih rajin nulis cerita dari pada dengerin guru ngomong

23. nggak pernah bisa jawab pertanyaan di depan kelas, takut dimarahin


23 aja, pas kan sama umur. Harusnya dulu udah ada fitur video, jadi bisa ngerekam keseharian diri sendiri.. :D

some people do, some people dont

there's something people can do, good at it. and some people can't do it.

some people can say what they wanted to say, some people dont. I dont
why is it so hard to talk? to talk, for God's sake. To talk. Why is it so hard? I didn't know what makes me so hard to talk, especially when I'm wrong, and I need to talk to them whom I messed up. The guilt eating me?
some people can relieve their angry when they fed up, some people dont. I dont
I fed up all the time. And yet nobody ever see me angry at all. I fed up, I quite like a stone :))
some people can keep the truth for their own mind only, my mom can do it. I dont
after all this time, mom can keep : "i dont know anything about you at all actually, kid" from me
some people good at doing thing spontaneously, some people dont. I dont
to think a lot is my curse. the term 'gimana nanti' cant work on me, 'nanti gimana?' is the one that always work. think to much, fear to much.
some people good at being a person, I dont
some people good at being a sister, I dont
some people good at being a daughter, I dont
some people good at being a friend, I dont
but i do good at making sin and mistake


duh, jadi pengen nyaplok coklat